rock bottom

ive officially hit rock bottom. ive never felt so alone in my life. ive never been so sad in my life. the moment i am alone, i crumble. i cant handle being by myself. i am destroying myself.
im stressed out of my mind and its making me sick.
im so ashamed and just want it to be over. i have no idea how to solve it.
my boyfriend is the only one who makes me feel whole. which scares me. what if he leaves me, i will have nothing and i dont know how i would survive.
ive become everything i hate.


my life is so pathetic im at uni at 8.30 on a friday night. turns out im the only pathetic australian who has nothing to do in a crowd of international students.

KEEN TO GET MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK!

of course

i decide to go out for just an hour to clear my head..and of course i get a flat tyre. god, my luck. but my boyfriend saved the day. four hours later im finally home.
so ready for my luck to change and for the good times to start
:)

misery

misery. yup. that pretty much sums up my life at the moment. why cant i be happy? i use to always have low or no expectations about things. because it was the easiest way to aviod disappointment. now im always disappointed. i dont know when i changed, but now i have all these expectations and nothing is going according to plan. everyday is the same and im so sick of it.
blah blah im always complaining. yes my life is pretty good then why am i so unhappy?
i feel like if i disappeared, whould anyone actually notice? will i be seen as the girl who had no impact to anyone?

Brand New

move out

i seriously need to move out. my mum is driving me insane. i dont understand why she gets so angry at me. if i sleep past 10 in the morning she yells at me. im so fucking tired!!! all i want is to sleep, but im actually to scared to atm. she tells me if she loses me, she would have nothing.. then stop pushing me away you crazy person!

shes kicking me dad out, and my dad is the one who provides most of the money in this family, so how is my mum meant to look after the house we have.

i cant handle her anymore and her crazy mood swings.

and my boyfriend is to busy being with his friends to worry that im upset.
go figure.

my week challenge

well i failed my one week challenge..grrr
oh well, im not to upset.
on a lighter note, its my boyfriends and I anniversary on tuesday, the same day he is getting braces! haha so today im going to TRY to find gifts for him.
he already gave me mine a beautiful white gold chain necklace.

i realised last night that the only person who is ever going to make you happy is yourself.

i had to learn this out the hard way