ive been single for nearly two years. ive been with guys but i never let me get close. when things get to serious i run. i dont want to get hurt. i met a guy in january and we have been hooking up since feburary and only recently we became official. though we dont refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend but we are together. crazy, i know.

i starting hooking up with him because we both that the same outlook on it. dont get attached. to easy. then he wanted us to be more than friends. which i agreed to and its been going really well. we spend so much time together. its great. however...before when we were hooking up in secret (as he had a girlfriend..bad move, i know) he told me he doesnt know how to love anymore and has the tendency to leave people because he gets bored. obviously as he left his girlfriend for me.

im scared.

im truly developing feelings for Lachy. whats the point? hes eventually going to get bored of me and leave me. i had no intentions of falling for him. i dont want to get hurt again. he knows all of this. i know he likes me. but is just liking someone enough?

arrrh i hate this.

lost

so my best friend has choosen her boyfriend over me.

ive been putting on weight. im up to 51kg. ive never weighed this much in my life!

uni starts back tomorrow and i have two assignments due this week ive almost finished one.

things aren't looking good.

however over the past two days i only ate lunch both days, been on the treadmill and worked 15 hours. i work at a restaurant, where the kitchen is downstairs. i also have uni from 10am to 9pm and i have no money to buy any food..hopefully it will get my weight done a bit.

they make it look so easy.

why do they make it look so easy to stay thin. i wish i could be thin. i start to lose weight, yet i put it back on within the next week fews.

easter weekend = chocolate.

mum gave me heaps of easter eggs, as well as my boyfriend. not happy.

sometimes i wish i was allergic to all foods.

i hate feeling empty and thinking that losing weight is the only way to fix it. but in reality i dont think it will solve anything. only create more problems.