control

im losing control of everything. i like to be in control of things. i need things to run a certain way.

i feel myself changing and not in a good way.

my friends are changing. which i said a few weeks ago i wanted new friends. but these new friends probably arent the best. they are the people you get told not to be friends with.

i have a best friend who i see nearly everyday but i havent seen her for a week partly because i went away for 5 days to get myself together. which hasnt work.

she doesnt understand my need to be skinny, when she sees someone overly skinny she points them out and say how disgusting they are, she then looks at me, i dont say anything and then she remembers thats what i want.

i need people around me all the time, if i dont i go insane. i need to know they need me as much as i need them.

i need to get back in control. starting with my weight..ive always been thin..but just not thin enough.